One quick scroll through social media will offer what the world views as goals for a relationship. #Couplegoals #Relationshipgoals You can't scroll through a feed without seeing a hashtag or picture that people believe are relationship goals. When did this become the standard? When did it become so important to live up to a Hallmark-style life? A visible, outward, shallow display of infatuation. A love that is fake, distant, forced, and short-term. One that may look good to others on the outside, and may even make you feel good, but has no solid foundation. A love that is often best termed as lust and if left unchecked leads to regret. I was never looking for the picture-perfect relationship. I never understood how selfies could accurately portray a solid relationship when even the most toxic, abusive relationships offer cute images and sweet words for display. Yet the world's visual of a good relationship is just that. The world cultivates a physical, emotional relationship. The world wants you to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. The world wants you to compare yourself with everyone around you. The world convinces you that everything is good as long as they treat you right and make you feel good. The world says love is feeling based. The world says: "She's cute", "he's good looking", "he's a nice guy", "they believe in God", "you are cute together"... so obviously it's meant to be. Or is it? Would you really build a life on what the world has to offer seeing the end result of that path? Would you really adopt its goals for your life? Would you really ignore all the godly influences in your life and just attempt to justify your actions? So many do. My "goals" in life are more than to be happy, raise a good kid, or have a cute relationship. What a shallow, disappointing standard of life. I desire something with a little more substance. My goals would better be described as to honor and serve Him with everything I do. That includes my marriage, a ministry, my children, and my social media. I don't seek to be happy, I seek to do what's right and to glorify Him. Spoiler alert: If your heart is right with the Lord and you're seeking Him, you'll be happy. You'll be at peace. You're dreams will be full. I don't seek to raise a good kid. It drives me crazy when people try to defend their children's actions by saying, "Well, they're a good kid." I'm not questioning whether they're a good child or not, but just because they're a "good kid" does not mean they are a godly kid. I want to raise a godly daughter, and if she follows after righteousness and godliness, she will be a good kid! I don't seek to have a cute relationship. The end result of them is rarely a positive thing. I seek to have a godly marriage that puts Him first. One where we both desire to honor and serve Him. One where as we continue to grow in the Lord and love Him, He knits our hearts closer and we grow more in love with each other. Leaving is easy. Cheating is easy. Growing distant and indifferent in your relationship is easy. But a life-long, solid, happy, God-honoring marriage and friendship. That's work. And it requires a solid foundation. I grew up and saw marriages fail, relationships crumble, and families fall apart. 16 year old me wrote this: "If this is what love is, I don't want it. If this is what marriage is like, I am out. Love always seems to fade. People will no longer ‘stay’. Marriage has died. Dreams are just a dream. Love isn’t how it always used to seem. Does ‘happily ever after’ even exist, or is it simply a cruel myth? Has love died? Do we have anything to look forward to in marriage? Has love has lost it’s power? The word itself is used so flippantly, people so thoughtlessly toss the word around. In truth, I think love in itself has not lost it’s meaning, rather people have watered down it’s applications or simply forgot it’s true meaning. Love today is viewed as a game, specifically among the younger generation. It’s a fad. You aren’t ‘cool’ unless you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have had people, even relatives, put me down simply because my relationship status is ‘single’. Marriage is no longer seen how it used to be. No marriage seems to have commitment, in fact, a lot of ‘couples’ don’t even get married. Marriage is no longer a good thing; they’re not happy or content. Married couples continue to ‘want out’. Come on, look at the divorce rates. There is no contentment. Many people no longer want to stay together, if they do, it’s almost “just because I have to”. Marriage is seen as a ‘trap’. Couples talk bad about each other, either to each other, or to others. They don’t treat each other right. I don’t see the true love between couples anymore. No one sees the beauty in marriage. More often than not (look at the stats), it ends in an ugly divorce or huge scandal. Nobody is growing old together, rather growing apart. Marriage has died. Love is gone... or is it? 1 Corinthians 13, typically known as ‘the love chapter’. Verse 8 say’s specifically, “Charity never faileth”. ‘Charity’, meaning, ‘love’. The Lord set up marriage. He said, “It’s is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him an help meet for him.” (Gen. 2.18) So, he gave Adam, Eve.. not Steve. Ephesians. 5.21-33 talks about how a biblical marriage should be. Yet, not many marriages today follow the pattern given. “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” (1 John 4.7-8) If you don’t know God, it is impossible for you to love, because love is of God. You must know Him before you can know what love really is. Where love is, God is. If love is of God, and God is love, then, love is... God. If He is not the center of your relationship, how is love to be prominent? One more thought, focused more on us teens: If a relationship goes against God’s word, it’s not love. 1 John 1.1, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” We already established that love is God, and comes from Him. The verse here emphasizes that the Word of God is God Himself. Thus, if a ‘couple’ feels like they are ‘in love’, and it is going against something in the Bible, they’re not in love. It’s as simple as that." Nine years later and I still believe that. I think I could have also said this: I want real life couple goals. I want the ES and Wanda kind of love. I want the Greg and Jacque kind of love. I want the EJ and Anita kind of love. I want the Jason and Angie kind of love. I want Biblical couple goals for my life and for yours. -I want a relationship that seeks Him first. Fulfillment and peace in life isn't found in a spouse. Unless He gives you the answer to your dreams, you're settling. "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6.33 -I want a relationship that is faithful, consistent, and committed... forever. Till death do us part. "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mark 10.9 -I want a relationship that is harmonious, edifying, and God-honoring. Which can only happen with Christ in the center, and pride removed. "Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preffering one another;" Romans 12.9-10; "With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffeering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Ephesians 4.2-3 -I want a relationship that effectively displays the beautiful picture of Christ and the church. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5.22-33 -I want a relationship that is fully formed and kept by Him. I fully believe that for those He intends to be married that He created a specific person for them. Not 30 different options and then sprinkled them across the planet "just in case". I also believe that if He can create worlds, form life that is so unique and special to live in that world, and sustain it, that He has no problem bringing two souls together and knitting their hearts as one. I want a relationship (and I have one) that I can look back and say with confidence, "God did that, not me.". "This is the Lord's doing; it is marvellous in our eyes." Psalm 118.23 -I want a relationship that is built on a biblical type of love. Growing up I held to this passage. My fear was that I would settle. I knew that if I lived with this kind of love then and in marriage, and if he displayed the same kind of love - then and in marriage - that it would cultivate a healthy, solid, godly relationship. I replaced our names with "charity" to evaluate whether they fit. The Bible truly is a mirror for your life reflecting who you are back at you. You just have to look at it. We had this passage lining the aisle at our wedding, and now hanging on the walls in our home. It doesn't start, or stop, with marriage. "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth:..." 1 Corinthians 13.4-8 I want a love like that. This May we will be married three years. Doesn't seem like a great amount of time, but also feels like we've always been together. Our love is real. It is safe. It is committed. Our love is founded and kept by Him. He is my hand to hold, my shoulder to lean on, my forever car date and comedian. He is the protector and provider for this little family of ours. He is our leader and my best friend. A lot has changed in these past years. One of the most prominent is my love for him. It's deeper, fuller, sweeter, softer, more understanding, more patient, less selfish. I am so grateful we sought the Lord in our relationship, set personal boundaries for ourselves, and respected the desires of authority throughout our time prior to marriage. We may not have done everything perfect to everyone's standards, but I don't have regrets. Aaaaand I definitely married up. The Lord knows exactly what you need, and sometimes that is a cute nerd with a corgi versus a cowboy with a ranch.
1 Comment
Hi
12/19/2020 03:13:08 pm
Have a great Christmas grandma
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Lizzy parkerMarriage.
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January 2023
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