Psalms 145.14-19 "The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down. The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season. Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. This past year has brought with it many changes and learning experiences. From my perspective, I have grown so much. Physically, no; I'm just as short as ever. But in every other aspect, I've changed. For the better, I hope. I have been more observant of God in my daily life. Such has caused me become very overwhelmed with Who God is and all He does for me. I have been blessed tremendously this past year in huge ways! His continual working is incredible to see. It causes me to become excited over what He is going to do in my life and the lives of those around me. This past friday was Atomic Friday with the theme of Minecraft: IBTeen edition. (Photos to follow) I very much enjoyed it! I was the weirdo who wore my Steve hat around constantly. Observing everyone recently, I realized how much I have changed concerning my relationship with others. I mean, I've always loved my church family, but maybe because I'm realizing how little time I have left with them, I now know how much. My capacity to love others has magnified tremendously. Me, a year ago, honestly, I was sick of people. I was tired of everyone I got close to getting taken away from me. It seemed as though everyone's life I touched, I ruined. Every relationship failed, and I was the only constant. I was tired of getting close to people, and having my heart broken...again and again. Even when I tried to allow the walls of my heart to fall, there was still a reserve. There was still that sense of fear. I was afraid of getting close to someone and getting hurt, even on a small scale. At some point, I accepted the fact that I couldn't make a friendship just 'happen'. With every relationship, I WOULD more than likely be hurt in some capacity, as would I hurt them. That was one of my longest and deepest desires. And I gave it up. I realized I needed Him, and Him alone; His plan didn't include another person or two right now. He was preparing me for the future, and I needed to accept it. He knew something I didn't, and knew I couldn't handle another relationship. But whatever happened in the future, I would need Him! Instead of looking for a friend, I then started to look for people I could be a friend to. My prayer changed from the one I prayed for over 10 years; that He would give me a friend, to that He would make me into someone who would be a good friend for others. It went from asking Him to change my circumstances, to asking Him to change me. I'm not trying to make myself out to be all spiritual, because I struggled with that every day. I had to re-submit to it constantly. In preparing for this, I read all of my personal writings from the time I was 9, up to recent weeks, in attempt to remind myself of some of those times. It only made me appreciate what God has been doing in my life even more! "...I have lost my best friend - multiple times. I may never have anyone like that again. - I may NEVER have anyone my age, but maybe I can be that someone for someone else. God placed the people in my life, and withheld people from my life for a reason. He has given me just what I need..." That was an insert in May of this past year. Little did I know when I wrote that, He was already preparing for me to meet my new friends. Within a few days, I would meet my best friend. And, less than a month after that, I would meet my best girlfriend. (I still don't know how to word that!) You never know who will become your closest friend. On the surface, the two closest friends I have now, weren't who I expected. But, they're everything I needed, wanted and more. They're better than I could have imagined. God knew just who I needed. It's incredible to see the ways that God had His hand in establishing those relationships! After around 12 years of praying, some tears, and a lot of waiting.... I was blessed with not one, but two great, godly friends. I learned so much through that time. Loneliness and discontentment were struggles at any given time growing up. I've told my friends now that I wish we had met each other earlier - And so very easily we could have! Both of them, I can't believe we didn't meet until last year! Our lives were so intermingled but never crossed. - But, at the same time, as much as I would have enjoyed having them in my life earlier, I would be a different person now if they had been in my life then. I would have missed out on some special times with Him. God still had things He wanted me to face alone... Well, not alone, but with Him alone. I look back now and can see my life was being orchestrated by Him. Many things may not have gone the way I had them planned, but that's okay. My desires were fulfilled in His time. And being in His time, the friendships I have now are better, closer, and stronger than if they hadn't been. I've considered WHY I had to wait. I may never know the full reason, but there are many things I learned through it. Because of those years, I grew closer to Him than with another person. I know, without a doubt, if I would have had my friends in my life earlier, I would not be who I am today simply because I wouldn't have developed a close relationship with Him, I would have rather grown close to my friends. It was the loneliness and desperation that encouraged it. (I also, more than likely, wouldn't be writing today. I wrote instead of talking and that prompted my love affair with words.) I wouldn't have had to trust Him, or learn to wait on Him. I would have been deprived of lessons on patience. I would have relied on people even more, instead of learning to go to Him. I wouldn't have focused so much on making Him my best friend if I had had one earlier. I had other things I was working through at that time. God knew another relationship wouldn't be good for me then. He knew I couldn't handle something else on top of all I was dealing with, despite how 'good' I thought it would be for myself. His ways are better than mine! I'm overwhelmed with just how involved God is in our lives. He had His hand in every detail! I could write a book with all the incredible ways God worked it out! In His time, He provided. I have the best friends in the world! They both live 100-200 miles away. *Sad face* We live so far away because the world couldn't handle that much awesome! ;) Anytime I miss them, I remind myself of who I was a few years ago; Who would have given anything for just a few moments with them now. I remind myself of what I have. How awesome is my God?! I AM so blessed! I can't get over that! Meet My Mates: This guy is the best! It took a while to get to know him cause I wasn't too sure about being friends with a guy, and I wasn't expecting to gain a friend, period. So, I was very reserved at first; 5-8 months later, he's my best friend! We are so much alike, and so different at the same time. Anything 'Geek' related had never been my thing. I'm more of the cowboy boots and camo kind of girl. But, we've brought each other out of our comfort zones, I think, and it's been great. He's the reason my British obsession exists. =) We're teased a lot, obviously, because we're friends but, to me it's totally worth it cause he's the best friend I could have asked for. :)
This girl is incredibly sweet! Every girl needs another girl as a good friend, that's Charlotte. She's amazing. :) I don't get to see her as often, but it makes me look forward to Camp even more! We e-mail constantly; I tell everything to these two! She puts up with my crazily long letters... and the time inbetween sometimes; My rambling and unimportant details all the same. It's great to be able to have a girl friend who will encourage you in the things of the Lord. Not only does she understand what goes through my head as a girl, but is real in her relationship with Christ, and encourages me in that way. She is beautiful... inside and out! Love her! It's so sureal to finally be given the thing I had so long prayed for. I remember praying once, (since I apparently couldn't meet anyone who was either my age, or spiritually minded and I wanted both)), that since I couldn't pick the right friend for myself, for Him to bring my friends to me. And you know what, both of my friends I have now made an effort to meet ME. I didn't really have a part in that. It's amazing how every detail only proves how real God is in the lives of His children! So this post has been a little weird for me to write and more personal, but it's what's been on my heart! I have been excited to share it with y'all and show how awesome my God is. :) Psalms 72.18, "Blessed be the LORD God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous things." 1 Samuel 12.24, "Only fear the Lord, and serve him in truth with all your heart: for consider how great things he hath done for you."
4 Comments
Jack
2/2/2014 08:23:16 am
You're right, its totally worth it! ;)
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Jackdad
2/2/2014 10:07:47 pm
I know first-hand what a blessing you've been in Jack's life, and our family's life. And NObody else could have ever gotten him onto ice skates!! You have definitely pulled him out of his comfort zone, and it's been great for him. Thank you!
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Rebecca
3/23/2015 01:42:20 pm
That's RIght 😄🐧🐨
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Charlotte
2/3/2014 02:37:39 pm
Finally I make it over to your blog again. ..to see this! My how sweet you are! You are everything I've prayed for and more! And like I've said before, we could write each others stories there so similar! My God has blessed over and above what I ask of even what thought about! He truly is at work and I'm glad of it! And it all started when I gave up and gave my life completely into "the potter's hands to make me and mold me" though God is not finished with me yet! Thanks for being such a godly and sweet friend!
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