This summer we were blessed with the opportunity to drive the van attached to our bus route for a short time. It had a great impact on my heart. Through it the bus ministry became even more personal than it has ever been. During that time we were able to see the Lord bring some prospects which then came consistently, and were even able to see one of them saved. I fell in love with these two little girls. Playing “I spy” with the same three things to “find” over, and over, and over, and over again every week grew my patience as well as my love for them. Knowing they had a difficult home life softened my heart toward them even more and inevitably makes you realize that they are just craving attention and someone to talk to and play with them. These little girls taught me so much ... ...about putting others first – even when you’re tired, or don’t necessarily want to hear the same story again, or “find” the same red button in the van, doing it because you love them; and finding joy in the most unexpected places. There were others too. Teenage boys who, no matter what you tried, didn’t speak a whole lot; a single woman who was basically the mom of the van; two teenage girls who inevitably would sit in the back and talk amongst themselves; and some sweet siblings who would squabble between each other the entire ride, but you couldn’t help but love them. There was a connection with these two little girls though and they received a huge chunk of my heart. The older one had just gotten saved, was so excited, and wanted to learn while the younger one was full of questions but would jump from thought to thought like a squirrel. She wanted a Bible like her older sister and was persistent about it so I got online and bought a really cute pink Bible that would arrive that Tuesday, I believe. I could see them growing and was excited to see what the Lord had in store for their lives, and the day the youngest one would be saved. Then came Sunday.
One of the worst days. Due to some difficult situations and legalities, we would be unable to visit them for the foreseeable future. Regrettably, I lied to the little girls. I didn’t want to alarm them. The youngest one was worried about her Sunday School papers she forgot in her class, and her pop she had left in her seat. Denying reality, I told her I would get her one on the van next Sunday. I told them I would see them Saturday, and with that she was content to leave with the officer. Turning and walking away was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Something broke. I’ve had my heart broken by “my” kids before, but never yet so deeply. If you love deeply, the loss will be deeper. The comfort comes through the knowledge that they aren’t mine. They are some special little people that the Lord has placed in my life and allowed me the opportunity to influence and love. He is in control of the situation, their lives, and a peace comes when you leave them in His hands versus stressing out because you can’t fix it. Ministry could simply be about loving the person in front of you. As imperfect and shallow as human love can be, we are called to love with a Christ-like love. I couldn’t get those girls off my mind – still haven’t. But then my mind starts to wander and tells me that I made no impact of their life and was just a passing thought and that in fact not beneficial in encouraging any one of “my kid’s” lives. Then comparison would come into play which never has a positive result. (2 Corinthians 10.12) “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that comment themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” So, I started praying that the Lord would change my heart more like His heart. As I reiterate these events I sound even more petty. I must wonder how much my heart, thoughts, and sin must be so petty, immature, and disgusting to God? The inward struggle carried over into another children’s ministry we are able to participate in. “I am not doing as much as this person”, “What I am doing is unnecessary.” As if serving had become something it was never intended to become, or as if one sinner was better qualified than another sinner? (Romans 12.1-5) “I BESEECH you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.” His grace was so evident. My God is so patient with me. My heart was smote when one uneventful morning, sitting next a little girl, she asked me, “What’s ‘saved’ mean?” I was able to give a brief explanation and encourage her to go with the other children if she was interested in learning more. You know what, that little girl got saved. These words stung my heart, “What if you have not been there?” It’s not like this wasn’t trying to be shown to me in every area of my life. *face palm* That’s what made it “click”. It is such a simple truth, yet never made so clear as then. Every place is important. I could not help but consider faithful church members who have been so impactful of my life, yet they most likely barely know me, or they “serve in the shadows”. An elderly man who is never missing from his doorway ready to shake my hand before service, a woman whose husband left her but she does her best to raise her children in church and to love the Lord, a bus driver and his family who are just always there. These people are great examples of consistency and faithfulness. I felt like every message was about comparison or contentment. And just when I thought I had gotten the picture, the Lord provided opportunities to apply these principles in the workplace. #yay ;) On top of that, the leadership team typically receives a “quote of the day”. The next day’s quote went like this, “A follower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms. – Bloom where you are planted.” All this happened within about a week, but I pray the impact and change is forever. And in the end, that maybe those girls were place in my life to grow, rebuke, encourage, and teach me more than I was for them.
1 Comment
Jim
12/11/2018 04:44:29 pm
Hi
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Lizzy parkerMarriage.
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January 2023
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