“When I turned eighteen and graduated from high school, it’s as though God put my entire life in a box and began to shake it up. And He continued shaking it through my college years. Everything changed overnight and continued to change - my friends, my school, my family, my time, my jobs, everything. Only one thing remained constant - my God.” This guy put his heart into words, and described many teenagers as well. We feel we begin to have something 'figured' out; we think we are just beginning to know what we are to do next, and then it changes. More often than not, as soon as we finally have things lined up in order, everything gets shaken up. I'm not one for disorder. I am an extremely organized, planning, designing minded.... whether that plays out in my life or not, I'm not sure. My dresser drawers are organized by style, design, and color; my clothes are hung by colors and style; while my shoes are organized by color, lightest to darkest. I enjoy when my bookcases are in alphabetical order and every book is facing the right way. Yes, I'm just that weird. However, unless I'm in the mood, I hate to clean. Right now, it looks like I have placed my room in a box and shaken it up. At this point, I'm trying to put everything back in order. Unfortunately, it's not that easy to do so with your life. When your room looks as though it has been through an earthquake, a few hours - or days - and it's back to normal. But when your life has been shaken up, crumbled down, and torn apart, it can take a while to put it back together. It can take a while to get everything back in order to see the future clearly. At this point, I have a dilemma of what to do next. I am not one for sitting around. I get extremely tired of doing nothing, I want to be doing and accomplishing something. Right now, I'm doing much, and that is killing me. I want to be doing something - and no, that does not include cleaning my room. :/ I have part of my family trying to get me into a secular college for a career with money as the object of success. I have society pushing me to do what I want. I have feminists encouraging me to be career minded, strong willed woman. I have friends shouting at me to run after guys, money, and popularity. I have people telling me I will fail, and not amount to anything. I have other people, whether they realize it or not, trying to encourage me not to do what the Lord says. I have five promising job offers being waved in front of me. I have myself so afraid of failing, while I have the devil slamming a reminder and a promise of failure in my face. I have voices shouting, screaming, yelling at me on every side. Some are pushing me to rush, while others are dragging me backward, still, there are others pulling me in a whole other direction. They cause me to doubt my decisions, question my faith, and fear the silence. Still, I'm here. Apathy is starring me down, and conformity is following hard after me. Impatience is grabbing at my heels, and I'm more and more willing to fall back on, well - doing nothing or, doing anything other than nothing. The more I am impressed to do something by Him, and the more I attempt to accomplish it, the more I am pulled back. It's way easier to give into the friction, and stop going against it. - But I can't. In the clutch of the unknown, I will focus on my three jobs I have now. 1)Wait a)It may sound obvious and simple, but it really has involved with it some not-so-simple to do things...like waiting. :/ 2)Work Whether this includes a secular job, I know not. I will work on these four things though, that I know for sure. a)Seek -Seek Him, daily, and fervently. -Seek an intimate and close relationship with Him -Seek His will b)Study -Study His Word -Study His desire and demands for my life -Study my faith -Study- well, anything. Learn while I have the opportunity. Writing, English and Composition is a subject possibility; as is manicuring - someday; music, poetry, photography, anything. Right now is the opportunity. Even if I don't study through a college, simply basic understanding and techniques of these areas would grow my abilities. c)Set Standards -Study and set strong standards for my life -Study what and why I do what I do, as well as what I should and shouldn't do d)Serve -Serve Him -Serve others 3)Write a)This is very meaningful to me. Maybe I should have payed more attention to my English and Composition lessons.:) It's helpful for myself, in the more I write, the more I study. The more I study, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I write. And the more I write, the more I study. It is a accumulation of things I have learned. Through it, I also learn a lot about myself, and have tried to become more open through it. But mainly, I hope to be an encouragement to others through my writing. Wait. Work. Write.
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Lizzy parkerMarriage.
Motherhood. Ministry. Missions. Archives
January 2023
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