Never have I lived in a society with such "high-class" standards of living; such expensive standards of living and harsh social divisions. Obviously there are exceptions, but as a city, there is an extreme culture shift from what I am used to. I was introduced to this reality a few years ago. My husband and I initiated the "face the cookie" game with some kids. We had played this game so many times before with various groups of children and teens but never had I witnessed a response like I would. Upon choosing a few volunteers and then explaining the game, my husband pulled out the package of "off-brand sandwich cookies" that they would be using to play. The countenance of one of the boys preparing to play dropped in a heartbeat. It was unnerving to him that an off-brand piece of food would touch his mouth. Hysterics would continue for a minute or two. It wasn't even encouraging to him when we explained there was no need to have to eat it. After some major coaxing to play, the moment it touched his tongue, he ran to the trash can and wiped off his tongue. #FirstWorldProblems This way of thought is so foreign to me. Perhaps it is fueled by a small-town philosophy, or a large-family upbringing. Neither of which necessarily promote a "high class mindset". I grew up in a culture that was in many ways the opposite of the one that has saturated city life. Pay more than $1 for a shirt? You spent too much! Bought a new purse? No more than $5. Like something in Hobby Lobby? Make it yourself. Handmade gift? The best. Goodwill was actually often overpriced and the mall was rarely visited. Off brand was THE way to shop, unless we are talking Velveeta. Never buy off-brand velveeta. This doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good brand. I love me some H&M and Kate Spade, but I never shop from their stores. I am all about quality, but I also recognize that it is ridiculous to spend absurd amounts of money on identical things you could purchase elsewhere for next to nothing. It -more that slightly - pains me to pay for something that in my mind I could get or make for less. My goal is to create a home that is both an expression of US and that is welcoming, inviting, and comfortable to others. One that is tidy and well-kept, but also comfortable to those as guests. One that my children can play, relax, and be children. One that feels safe. In doing so, I accept that there will often be toys on the floor and squeals of joy in play time versus a constant organized house and calm silence. I accept that raising a baby with reflux means I will have some sort of bodily fluids on my outfit at all times. I care more about loving on my child, being present for her, and displaying love over keeping my outfit perfect. I accept that there will be handprints on the tv and nose prints on the windows because there's a child - and a dog - living in this house. I accept that there will forever be a load of laundry or an un-done sink of dishes because I prioritize time with my child over having the to-do list checked off (and that is hard for me to do.) I value a space for my children to live over an aesthetically-pleasing home. I value that they are clothed well in modesty and quality over what brand they are wearing, or where they got it. Through a series of events the question arose, what is the standard way of life? Do some have too high expectations for how life works? Do I have too low a standard? There was an unsettling questioning of my quality and standards. Would the way I chose to live be too relaxed, too informal? Are my preferences just 'cheap'? Do I send an unprofessional vibe? Are my creations genuinely overall tacky or trashy? Do my expectations as a mom display an attitude of not caring? Is my patience taken as apathy? Is my "chillness" translated as ignorance? The idea swirled in my head of what the difference was. Is it actually wrong? Should I been more proactive about such things? Is there something in my heart that is causing me to become uncomfortable in "fancy" settings? It is my desire to have a neat and tidy appearance and do all I have to the glory of God. When people come into the equation, that is no longer enough. All of the sudden there's verbal shaming, anonymous virtual comments (Ah, I receive a ridiculous amount of these), and disapproval with your way of life. I'm not here to please people, but I always process through those comments and rebuke for the nuggets of truth. The thought rested quite heavily on my heart until I came to this conclusion. The difference? The difference between the picture-perfect lives/houses/things and not. The difference between name brands and off-brands. The latter are not slobs or gross, but their priorities are in a different place. Someone who chooses not to spend their money on brand-new name-brand items isn't naturally "cheap". Someone who loves to shop at thrift store or yard sales isn't automatically gross or trashy. Neither are those who do prefer to purchase brand-new things naturally a poor steward. Perhaps they just have a strong value of money and refuse to spend ridiculous amounts of it on things they could get elsewhere. Perhaps there are details about their financial state that does not allow for that without compromising other areas of greater importance. Perhaps it is none of our business. I’m not condoning us to be slobs, to not care about our appearance, or not strive to have a tidy, nice looking home, but there are greater priorities in life than that. Ones with a higher value. There is that danger of not being a good steward with money, or being so concerned with appearance/others perception, that it becomes the main priority. Then follows pride, and your life is only a show for others to see how pretty, how wealthy, how stylish, how modern, how professional, how..... ..... you are, and then turning your nose at someone who doesn’t have the same priorities. The danger goes both ways. For me, it boils down to two things. Motives and priorities. What motivates spending? What motivates a certain lifestyle or aesthetic? Often things can be tossed aside when it is weighed against pride. Is this to please men, or God? Secondly, priorities. Is this spending going to compromise and hurt other areas of life that are of greater importance? Galatians 1:10 - For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. Colossians 3:23 - And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Don't make your life all about how you appear or are perceived by other people, make it about who you are in Him. Hold loosely to material things of this world because someday, they will be no more. Earthly things will fade from view, "Only one life, twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last."
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Lizzy parkerMarriage.
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January 2023
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