I’m a Senior! September 2011 Wow! I cannot believe that I am already a senior in High School! Though that saying is typical for most seniors, it is still true, and I think even more so for me, being that I will turn sixteen in less than a week, and then graduate next year! It still has yet to sink in. Knowing that I will soon graduate makes me anxious to know about my future. I am having to learn patience. Though I consider myself to be a pretty flexible person, I am the planner, list-maker, and I always have a schedule going. With the matter of my future, even though I feel I need to do the same, I also know it is not the Lord’s will for me to know yet, or I would. I am not enjoying having to wait, but who does? Waiting is one of the hardest things that He asks us to do. My goal and desire in life is to serve the Lord, do His will and to be used by Him. Whatever His will for me is, that is want I want to do. No matter what it takes. I just wish I knew what it is. I will, I know, I just need to be patient, and in His timing and His perfect will He will reveal it to me. I graduate next year, Lord willing, and I will soon be making some crucial decisions that will affect the rest of my life. I do not want to hold onto things that I would like to do and hold back on something He wants me to do, or not be able to give all the needed focus on what He wants me to do because I am going to college, or working a job. I do not want to try and add things to my life that I think should be there. Neither do I want to add things prematurely. It seems as though there is a lot of decisions and waiting involved in life. In the mean time, what should I do? I have known many adults who have said they wasted their teen years because they were so busy truing to grow up (which, growing up can be a good thing. I know many teenagers, myself included, who could grow up a little). They couldn’t wait until they were an adult. And now, as an adult, they wish they had those valuable years back to use more wisely. I want to live each day to the maximum potential that God gives it. I do not want a second of my life to be wasted. I want my life to always give Him all the glory, so everyone will see everything He has done in my life, not anything that I have done. Because it is not me, but Him through me. Sometimes it is just hard to see and know what His will is. Right now, I feel the road in front of me is dark, and I cannot see what is ahead, I can barely see where I am now. I can make out something in the shadows, but I cannot see it clearly. It is dark. I do not know where to go or what to do, and am even a little afraid of what’s ahead. But, I know, God is The Light, He will enlighten my darkness. He knows what is in my future, He’s already been there; He made it, after all. He can clearly see what is ahead and wants what’s best for me. His plan is so much better than anything I could ever dream up. So I can trust Him to lead me and guide me in the right way. My goal for my Senior Year is simply to finish school, and to do whatever it is that the Lord wants me to do, and be what He wants me to be. I always want to be in the center of God’s will - which is the safest place to be. ----------------------------------- I wrote this the beginning of my Senior Year(s) 2011. I just graduated (April 2013). Yes, you read it right. Math was a problem for me. Neither I nor my parents could ‘get it’, and I put it off. I get the basics down and then they throw in the alphabet! But, thanks to my awesome tutor, I am finally done with school! I look back on the past just two years and realize how much I have changed and grown through them. This was an English report I wrote on my goals for the year. Turns out, it was for two years. The feelings of my heart were some that every teen faces. My future. Those two words used to strike fear through me. How could something so simple, so moldable, be so scary, and unknown? Something so close, could be so far away and hard to get. After many questions and answers and searching the scriptures... probably more out of fear than anything, I ran across a book. It’s entitled Discover Your Destiny by Cary Schmidt. (I highly recommend it!) The Lord used that book as a way to speak to my heart. That book, and the truths in it, along with many messages and conversations, calmed my fears, gave my the patience and determination to wait, and answered the questions I had... even if it was simply with a “because He said so”. The future will always be unknown. You can’t control it. But I realize, if you become so overwhelmed with the future, you won’t be able to focus on the present. You’ll miss opportunities because you’re preoccupied with things you are unsure of. Life is what happens when you’re out making other plans. Life is happening now. You are living yesterday’s future!!!! One thought that brought peace was this: it’s not what He wants us to do, but who He wants us to be. If we are who He wants us to be, we will do what He wants us to do. This brings life into a different perspective. Instead of viewing it as something in the future, we now realize it is now. We must be who He wants us to be now. And instead of trying to figure our life out, we can focus on being who He wants us to be... and that, we already know. We may not have a tomorrow. When our ‘future’ finally comes, it will more than likely be completely different than we expected it to be. Then what? That’s why it’s not about what we do, but who we are... and whose we are. At nearly every graduation ceremony you will hear something to this extent, “It is your time. It is your time to go out into the world and show them who you are.” Not only is this untrue, it is also the opposite of my aspiration. It is not our time. It never will be. It is HIS time, always has and always will be. He gives us time to use, how we use it is the question. I don’t desire to show the world who I am, but Who He is. My goal is still the same. I want to serve the Lord, do His will, and be used by Him. That will never change, and I will never be done striving toward that goal. I will never be finished, nor reach it until I get to heaven. Even out of school, you’re still learning. The lessons the Lord teaches me, I will never graduate from; I have to keep having ‘refresher courses’ in things I thought I had learned. I keep having to re-take the tests and lessons because I will never fully ‘get’ them, but each day I’m getting closer to understanding it just a little bit more. My goals and aspirations in life are frowned upon by some of my relatives. My family's life-style or way of living has never been accepted by some of them. I know they aren't expecting much from me, if anything. Many of our relatives are very distant now.... in more ways that one. It has even been said that I won't amount to anything if I chose this life, or some people just don't expect me to make it. They think I will fail like the countless other teens before me. With all respect given, I don't care what people think, In the long run, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of us, or even what we think of ourselves, it matters what God thinks of us. The Lord refers to life as a vapour (such as steam) in James 4:14 (KJV) “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” Living knowing life is a vapour is different than normal living. It realizes that this life and all it’s ‘pleasures’ and ‘enjoyments’ will all disappear as a passing mist. “Soon this life will pass.... only what’s done for Jesus will last” - (anonymous). Make your vapour count!
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