“What’s that? Are you okay?” These are questions that send me on a frantic search for words and a shortened explanation. My response would be, “It’s normal.” Educating others on my physical ailments is something I tend to shy away from. I leave doctors speechless, educate nurses, and gross out my little brother. All of which can be very entertaining. Three years ago I received a label to what had followed me through my teen years. “Hidradenitis Suppurativa.” I had no idea what it was, but at least I had a name. I saw more doctors, specialists, and surgeons that were clueless as to what to do with me than ever before. So then, what is it? Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), is a chronic inflammatory skin condition. Outbreaks are painful and may persist for years with interspersed periods of inflammation and infection. This process often forms open wounds that do not heal and frequently leads to significant scarring. Persistent lesions may lead to the formation of sinus tracts, or tunnels connecting under the skin. At this stage, complete healing is usually not possible, and progression is variable, with some experiencing remission for months to years at a time, while others may worsen and require multiple surgeries ultimately progressing in severity. As the deep bumps heal, scars can form. As the skin continues to heal and scar, the scars thicken. When thick scars form, moving can be difficult. There is little confirmed but much speculation as to what causes HS. It has very little support, next-to-no treatment, and no awareness. HS flares may be triggered by emotional stress, sweating, hormonal changes, heat, and humidity, or even diet, and the condition is exacerbated by friction from clothing. The disease is not contagious. Heredity is indicated among certain ethnic groups and is autoimmune in nature. Onset is most common in the late teens and early 20s. Currently no cure nor any consistently effective treatment is known. Incision and other procedures may provide symptomatic relief. “HS has the highest impact on patients’ quality of life among all assessed dermatological diseases.” That being said, HS is the greatest gift I have ever received. I am not “just saying” that. This is fresh on my mind because its pain is a daily reality. HS is one of my greatest weakness – physically and emotionally. I do not enjoy it, however, my greatest weakness, if taken properly, is also my greatest strength. Given the opportunity, I would desire to remove it from my person, but the more I consider it, the more I realize how precious the pain is. A seemingly hopeless situation then turns into one that radiates hope. How does a physically and emotionally debilitating disease provide a measure of comfort? The knowledge of God’s control and plan in the lives of His children. "I am certain that I never did grow in grace one-half so much anywhere as I have upon the bed of pain." ~ Charles Spurgeon "God never allows pain without a purpose in the lives of His children. He never allows Satan, nor circumstances, nor any ill-intending person to afflict us unless He uses that affliction for our good. God never wastes pain. He always causes it to work together for our ultimate good, the good of conforming us more to the likeness of His Son." ~ Jerry Bridges “Suppur”-girl. Part of me leans toward independence continually. The need to be “tough” and tackle everything on my own. My problems are my problems, that how they have always been. Who am I to place them on someone else? Despite that, I find myself learning excuses such as, “I’m short, can you get that?” What I am saying is, "It is more convenient for you to get this," when reality says, “I cannot.” I know it is an impossibility for me to accomplish, and I do not want to prove that reality so I will not try. I brush it off with many excuses but when it comes down to it, I can’t. Accepting limitations and reliance upon someone goes against what I know, and yet it is exactly what I am supposed to do. It is only through the Lord that I can accomplish anything. By Him have all of us received life, breath, and strength to go through life. Greater than any human help is the comfort, help, and presence of the Lord. Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Isaiah 41:10, Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 40. 29-31, He giveth power to the faint; and to [them that have] no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Matthew 19:26, But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. Psalm 118.8, It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. There are many things I have learned and realized through these experiences. "Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us." ~ Charles Kingsley Not only do I recognize and am reminded of my frailty and weakness, it is used as a means to humble me. Once you have come to the point where you can no longer hide it, you are then faced with a new reality of expressing it to others without turning them away or grossing them out. I like to live an open, un-hidden life however, very few know or understand this side of me. HS places the unknown and uncontrollable at the forefront of life and causes it to be required to be accepted in order to deal with it. If the world stopped spinning for a moment, we would all fly off its surface. If the earth shifted a bit, we would all either burn or freeze. God is in control of everything at all times. No matter the situation, rest in knowing that He is in control of it. He has the capability to take it away with just a thought. If He chooses to allow you to continue to experience it, there is greater growth available with it than if it were not in your life. Jeremiah 17:14, Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise. Jeremiah 33:6, Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth. Romans 8:18, For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time [are] not worthy [to be compared] with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Revelation 21:4, And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Romans 5. 3-4, And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: It has also reminded me to look beyond myself no matter how I feel. I realize things are said with good intentions, but at times words meant to comfort are simply quite humorous. I find it entertaining to listen to others speak of not feeling well. How flippantly many view chronic illness. It can be frustrating as others believe I am faking it, simply lazy, unsocial and rude, or "tired" and sleep all the time. It would be easy to sulk into self-pity and elevate my "problems". But you know what, everyone has issues they have to deal with and even the smallest thing to us may be the largest burden to their heart. There is always someone who has bigger problems than you. Do what you can with what you have, use it to push you to be a blessing to others, and praise the Lord through it all. Moments of pain have been some of the most precious moments with my God. Never underestimate the blessing of pain. I leave you with these quotes by Davidd Wilkerson and Elizabeth Elliot As I look back over fifty years of ministry, I recall innumerable tests, trials and times of crushing pain. But through it all, the Lord has proven faithful, loving, and totally true to all his promises. ~ D.W. I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God. ~ E.E.
3 Comments
Kathy
4/5/2017 03:25:06 pm
You are an amazing young lady! God is using you in a very special way! Keep your eyes on Him! You are such a blessing to me! I love you and pray for you!
Reply
Becky
4/5/2017 07:27:39 pm
Elizabeth, I am so proud of the person you have become and look forward to seeing what great things you accomplish for and through the Lord..Praying for continued blessings in your life. You hold a special place in my heart, love you!
Reply
Rocky
4/5/2017 07:44:42 pm
"Suppur girl." I like it.
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Lizzy parkerMarriage.
Motherhood. Ministry. Missions. Archives
January 2023
|