I tell people that I will not go on a date until I go on one with my husband. Why? Am I just weird? Well…yes, I am. Thanks for noticing. However that is not the reason. When the term dating is mentioned, the first thought is usually a guy and a girl, alone, in an uncontrolled setting focusing on each other. And that, I will not do until I am married. Will I go on dates before then? Yes, and no. Simply because I don’t know how else to term it, yes. I will do things with one as we consider the will of God concerning marriage together. However, not in the way the world views dating. I won't ever be alone no matter where we be. Now, I could go off on the dangers of the dating system. In fact, I was heading that way, however I believe we may have just made a detour. I am very passionate about some things. Positive or negative. I don't normally get worked up over a certain subject, but I can. And when I do, you know it. Things like Pinterest and locker rooms; Any of my pet peeves, Little Debbie Zebra Cakes or my best friend. As indecisive as I am, I have strong opinions on some things. Guy/Girl drama isn't one of my most extreme, but I have my moments. To see eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen year old girls obsessing over who likes them, or crushing on the latest boy band or actor I want to question the future. 0_o You're TWELVE! (Don't think if you're fifteen this doesn't apply. -_0 ) Or how about fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year olds who have a new girlfriend/boyfriend every week. "They're perfect." You've known them how long?! Two days? A week later, it's a new person. Are you kidding me?! "People date to have a good time right now. They aren’t actually planning on getting married. This is a crucial point, they’re not planning long-term commitment. But why date and get attached to someone who is not going to e your life partner? Dating is thinking about fun rather than loyalty to your one lifelong partner and the joy of the best marriage later. In other words, the world’s way is “now oriented.” God’s way is “future oriented. Most young people plan to date a number of different individuals in order to get to know a variety of people – and then pick the best one to marry. What they fail to realize is that the process that forms bonds begins with the very first relationship. Then the break-up process is very painful. In other words, the world’s way involves the pain of serperation. God’s way involved no separation. People date, planning to break uo if things don’t work out. This seems like practice for divorce, not marriage! In other words, the world’s way is temporary. God’s way is permanent.” -Sarah Mally, "Before You Meet Prince Charming" "To young people, someday seems so far away…we’re not interested in waiting for anything – whether it’s a happy meal or a happy life. God s word makies it clear that the best things in life are worth waiting for.... You will always come to failure if your hopes are attatched to finding the “right person” – because the right person will let you down….the practice of finding the right person never works…God’s philosophy is not about FINDING the right person. God will LEAD YOU to the right person. God’s plan is about BECOMING the right person...... The young adult years come with many overwhelming changes and emotions, which makes it the wrong time for getting serious in a guy/girl relationship. Youth is about BECOMING the right person! If you will be this kind of person, you will be attracted to this type of person, and they will be attracted to you. Maybe a guy or girl would be the single distraction that keeps you from growing in God’s grace at this point in your life. The reason most high school relationships go the wrong direction – they don’t usually draw you closer to God, they replace Him." -Cary Schmidt, "Just Friends" Youth is not the time to find the right person, but to become the right person. I participated in an exercise prompted by a book/devotion once. And that was to write out a list of all the qualities you were looking for in a guy. Now at that time, I had personally experienced what it was like to have people close to you show an example of God's leading, or others, do what felt right to them and hurt you in their relationships. Guys were stupid. In that way anyway. At the same time, I tended to find it easier to be friends with guys. I can remember the friends of mini me that I went to hang out with before and after church. 98% of them were men of the church. I looked up to everyone of them. Some are no longer in church, others, I still see every service. But, I didn't want to think about guys. What was the point? I think even at that young of an age, I thoroughly understood what could happen if those emotions ever began to play out. And I hated it. So I dismissed any thought. However, I still got my notebook out, my pencil, and wrote out two lists.... "Desired Qualities", and "Required Qualities". They've been tweaked (mainly shortened), I have them somewhere. About 6 pages long. Front and back. I was thorough. Maybe it was made in fear. As a safeguard to never find myself with not a prince in shining amour, but an idiot in tin foil. And because of "love's" rose colored glasses, I wouldn't see the real him till it was too late. Point "A" to point "B" was a slow fade. I didn't want any chance of starting the process. Now, my "desired qualities" list, had maybe two things on it. I cared more about who he was in Christ, what was inside, more than the petty things. And even then, it didn't really matter. But it didn't "click" until years later that those things that I wrote down of what was important to me in a husband.... it was more important for me, right now, to BE that person myself. This time is for me to focus on allowing Him to create in me the very qualities I seek. What you are, you will attract. Ever notice how no matter where you go, the people who have common interests always find each other? In this case, there's a bike involved. I have to say, I totally called this moment. Out of all the people at the Exercise Thyself 5K, Dave Fontaine and Bro. Steve found each other very quickly. Those with common interests always gravitate toward each other. It's awesome. The same for relationships. If your standards are Biblically set for a guy, the right guy isn't going to be remotely interested if you are not upholding the same expectations. (Or vice versa). You cannot expect them to be something that you are not. I took the same list, and turned it to myself. If I expect to find someone who is everything God intended them to be, then I must first be who God intended ME to be.
Little is said of Jesus' youth, however Luke 2.52 says that "...Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man." He grew mentally, physically, Spiritually, and Socially. Meaning we as well should take this time to learn and to grow in all these areas. Youth is a time for learning and for growth. Relationships often, if not all the time, bring means of distraction from these areas. Youth is a time for preparation for marriage and to prepare for the time that God will bring you to the right one, not a time for seeking for the right one. Youth is about becoming the right person. And God will bring along the right one for you. Just trust Him. Waiting doesn't have to be pointless. There is purpose in waiting. In patient waiting you can grow closer to Him and fall in love with the One who loves you most while He molds and prepares you for the moment He will bring your future spouse into your life. His timing is perfect. While you're waiting, and growing, and getting closer to Him. Preparing for a moment in your future when you will meet the one you are to spend the rest of your life with. When is it time for the relationship to change? Well, that's another post. Sorry. However, for me, at least right now, I can say I am waiting, not dating. And this is why. I'm not upset with teens who chose to date, if done right. This is simply what I have chosen to do. When that changes, y'all will know! But that time is not now. I have a lot of growing up still to do. So, I will wait to date.
1 Comment
Tessa Jackson
11/15/2014 12:38:58 pm
Wow, this is really nothing new to me because my youth pastor(bro. Eric) always said to wait to date. He said to wait till college. I think it's the ages 16-32 is the mistake zone. So saying that says that I am in the mistake zone and trust me being in a relationship is totally not on my mind, but I am in a relationship with God and he knows how things will work out for me. Thank you Lizzy for this wonderful post:) love ya💕
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January 2023
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