I sit here on my bed after a long day. Fan blowing. Diet Pepsi. Unicorn PillowPet. It's quite relaxing actually. While the thought occurred to me, This could be the last time I sit here; This could be the last night I will fall asleep to the lulling sound of my fan. (Okay, that sounded a little weird.... but, I can't fall asleep without that sound. Winter is torture. No fan. No noise.) But, whether y'all know or not, I'm dying. Okay, don't freak out, yet. I am falling apart. More and more, I have to watch what I do. I get worn out. I feel old, and I'm only 17! I have been to countless doctors and specialists, hospitals and doctors offices. Waiting rooms are my second home. I have TMJ, Constricted airways, Insomnia, Poor circulation in my feet ( whatever the 'medical terms' for all these things are ), IBS, Allergies, along with multiple issues with my feet and ankles, among other things. I have a list of over 20 medicines I take daily, multiple times daily, and/or every-other day. Does this not make me sound like I'm old?! I am dying! No, really. I am one day closer to dying than I was yesterday.... so are you. I may come across sounding morbid, that's not my intention, I am just telling it like it is. We are all going to die someday. Hebrews 9:27, "And as it is appointed unto men once to die..." We are all 'terminally ill'. Noone can tell us how much longer we have to live, but the time is short. James 4:14, "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." Each of us could have a day, a month, a year, a decade, or a century left to live. You never know when you will breath your last breath. But what would happen after I am gone? Who would others remember me as? Will I be remembered or just forgotten? Who would remember me? And for what? What will people say at my funeral? Who would even be there? I'm not trying to be dire, but questioning the context of a completed life. I want to watch my own funeral just to see what people will say. While they are standing in the receiving line, saying their last goodbyes, what will they be...who will they be? Who will be sad, and who will not care? Will it simply be a party? Will it be a well-attended tributary or a gathering with a few people? Will it be small, among whom will be a number of people who are there just to make sure I am really dead? Will not many people go? Immediate family, sure, but that's a given. Maybe some will show up for the food, again, to them will it it be just a party? Will they be glad I'm gone? What will I be known as? If tonight was my last night to live, what would I be remembered as? Would I simply be known as a 'good' girl? Would I be remembered negatively, such as an example of 'what not to do'? Or, would I be remembered in a positive way? What will be my epitaph? "I told you I was sick" "That's all, folks" "she did it the hard way" "Here lies... who cares? Party!" "Do you know how many sugar grams were in that?!" "Have fun with my stuff" What will you leave behind? A pile of debt? A bunch of 'stuff'? A handful of pictures and a few memories? What will your legacy be? I would hope to leave behind a few people I made a difference (for the positive) in their life. I may never be someone who influences thousands of people, but if I can make an impact on a handful of lives, and make a difference for them, it's worth it. If I can help one person to Christ, make a difference to them, it's all worth it. This blog in itself is something I feel I was meant to do. If I can encourage and help one teenager with this, it's worth every minute. Live as though today were your last day to live. If it were, what would you do, what would you change? Don't wait. Someday, it will be too late. "Looking at you" A song I recently came across. This is what I would hope I can leave someone with someday.
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Lizzy parkerMarriage.
Motherhood. Ministry. Missions. Archives
January 2023
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